Bava Metzia 117

נוח לו לאדם שיבא על ספק אשת איש ואל ילבין פני חבירו ברבים מנ"ל מדדרש רבא דדרש רבא מאי דכתיב (תהלים לה, טו) ובצלעי שמחו ונאספו קרעו ולא דמו אמר דוד לפני הקב"ה רבש"ע גלוי וידוע לפניך שאם היו מקרעים בשרי לא היה דמי שותת לארץ

Better it is for man to cohabit with a doubtful married woman<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' E.g., one who was freed with a divorce, as to the validity of which doubts arose. ');">¹</span> rather than that he should publicly shame his neighbour. Whence do we know this? — From what Raba expounded, viz., What is meant by the verse, But in mine adversity they rejoiced and gathered themselves together…they did tear me, and ceased not?<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Ps. XXXV, 15. ');">²</span>

ולא עוד אלא אפילו בשעה שעוסקין בנגעים ואהלות אומרים לי דוד הבא על אשת איש מיתתו במה ואני אומר להם מיתתו בחנק ויש לו חלק לעוה"ב אבל המלבין את פני חבירו ברבים אין לו חלק לעוה"ב

David exclaimed before the Holy One, blessed be He, 'Sovereign of the Universe! Thou knowest full well that had they torn my flesh, my blood would not have poured forth to the earth.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Because of the many insults I am made to bear, which as stated above, drain the flesh of its blood. ');">³</span> Moreover, when they are engaged in studying "Leprosies" and "Tents"4 they jeer at me, saying, "David! what is the death penalty of him who seduces a married woman?" I reply to them, "He is executed by strangulation, yet has he a portion in the world to come. But he who publicly puts his neighbour to shame has no portion in the world to come."'<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Now Bath Sheba was a doubtful married woman, because every soldier of David's army gave his wife a conditional divorce before he left for the front, to take retrospective effect from the time of delivery in case he was lost in battle. So that when David took Bath Sheba it was doubtful whether she would prove a married woman at the time or not; and David maintained that his offence was not so grave as that of his companions. ');">⁵</span>

(ואמר) מר זוטרא בר טוביה אמר רב ואמרי לה אמר רב חנא בר ביזנא אמר ר"ש חסידא ואמרי לה א"ר יוחנן משום רשב"י נוח לו לאדם שיפיל עצמו לכבשן האש ואל ילבין פני חבירו ברבים מנ"ל מתמר דכתיב (בראשית לח, כה) היא מוצאת והיא שלחה אל חמיה

Mar Zutra b. Tobiah said in Rab's name — others state, R. Hana<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Var. lec.: Huna. ');">⁶</span> b. Bizna said in the name of R. Simeon the pious — others again state, R. Johanan said on the authority of R. Simeon b. Yohai: Better had a man throw himself into a fiery furnace than publicly put his neighbour to shame. Whence do we know it? — From Tamar.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Judah's daughter-in-law, with whom he unwittingly cohabited. Subsequently, on her breach of chastity being discovered, he ordered her to be burnt, and only rescinded the order when she privately sent proof to him of his own complicity; v. Gen. XXXVIII. ');">⁷</span>

אמר רב חננא בריה דרב אידי מאי דכתיב (ויקרא כה, יז) ולא תונו איש את עמיתו עם שאתך בתורה ובמצות אל תונהו אמר רב לעולם יהא אדם זהיר באונאת אשתו שמתוך שדמעתה מצויה אונאתה קרובה

For it is written, when she was brought forth, she sent to her father-in-law [etc].<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Ibid. 25. She left it to him to confess but did not openly accuse him, choosing death rather than publicly putting him to shame. ');">⁸</span> R. Hanina, son of R. Idi, said: What is meant by the verse, Ye shall not wrong one another ['amitho]? — Wrong not a people that is with you in learning and good deeds.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' This is a play of words on [H] ('his fellowman') reading it as two words, [H], the 'people that is with him.' ');">⁹</span>

א"ר אלעזר מיום שנחרב בית המקדש ננעלו שערי תפלה שנאמר (איכה ג, ח) גם כי אזעק ואשוע שתם תפלתי ואע"פ ששערי תפלה ננעלו שערי דמעות לא ננעלו שנאמר (תהלים לט, יג) שמעה תפלתי ה' ושועתי האזינה אל דמעתי אל תחרש

Rab said: One should always be heedful of wronging his wife, for since her tears are frequent she is quickly hurt.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Lit., 'her wronging is near;' — a woman is very sensitive, and therefore quick to feel and resent a hurt. ');">¹⁰</span> R. Eleazar said:<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' [MS.M. 'For R. Eleazar said,' the statement of R. Eleazar being thus added in elucidation of Rab's dictum.] ');">¹¹</span>

ואמר רב כל ההולך בעצת אשתו נופל בגיהנם שנאמר (מלכים א כא, כה) רק לא היה כאחאב וגו' א"ל רב פפא לאביי והא אמרי אינשי איתתך גוצא גחין ותלחוש לה לא קשיא הא במילי דעלמא והא במילי דביתא לישנא אחרינא הא במילי דשמיא והא במילי דעלמא

Since the destruction of the Temple, the gates of prayer are locked, for it is written, <i>Also when I cry out, he shutteth out my prayer</i>.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Lam. III, 8. ');">¹²</span> Yet though the gates of prayer are locked, the gates of tears are not, for it is written, <i>Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears</i>.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Ps. XXXIX, 13; the idea is that the destruction of the Temple may have made it more difficult to commune with God, yet earnest prayer from the depths of the heart is always accepted. ');">¹³</span>

אמר רב חסדא כל השערים ננעלים חוץ משערי אונאה שנאמר (עמוס ז, ז) הנה ה' נצב על חומת אנך ובידו אנך א"ר אלעזר הכל נפרע בידי שליח חוץ מאונאה שנאמר ובידו אנך

Rab also said: He who follows his wife's counsel will descend<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Lit., 'fall'. ');">¹⁴</span> into Gehenna, for it is written, But there was none like unto Ahab [which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up].<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' I Kings, XXI, 25; thus Ahab's downfall is ascribed to his action in allowing himself to be led astray by Jezebel. ');">¹⁵</span>

א"ר אבהו ג' אין הפרגוד ננעל בפניהם אונאה וגזל וע"ז אונאה דכתיב ובידו אנך גזל דכתיב (ירמיהו ו, ז) חמס ושוד ישמע בה על פני תמיד ע"ז דכתיב (ישעיהו סה, ג) העם המכעיסים אותי על פני תמיד [וגו']

R. papa objected to Abaye: But people say, If your wife is short, bend down and hear her whisper! — There is no difficulty: the one refers to general matters; the other to household affairs.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' A man should certainly consult his wife on the latter, but not on the former, — not a disparagement of woman; her activities lying mainly in the home. ');">¹⁶</span> Another version: the one refers to religious matters, the other to secular questions.

אמר רב יהודה לעולם יהא אדם זהיר בתבואה בתוך ביתו שאין מריבה מצויה בתוך ביתו של אדם אלא על עסקי תבואה שנאמר (תהלים קמז, יד) השם גבולך שלום חלב חטים ישביעך אמר רב פפא היינו דאמרי אינשי כמשלם שערי מכדא נקיש ואתי תיגרא בביתא

R. Hisda said: All gates are locked, excepting the gates [through which pass the cries of] wrong [ona'ah], for it is written, Behold the Lord stood by a wall of wrongs, and in his hand were the wrongs.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' [H] Amos VII, 7(E.V. 'plumbline') is here connected with [H], 'overreaching', 'wronging', i.e., God is always ready to plead the cause of one who has been wronged. ');">¹⁷</span> R. Eleazar said: All [evil] is punished through an agent, excepting wrong, for it is written, And in his hand were the wrongs.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' I.e., God in person punishes these. ');">¹⁸</span>

ואמר רב חיננא בר פפא לעולם יהא אדם זהיר בתבואה בתוך ביתו שלא נקראו ישראל דלים אלא על עסקי תבואה שנאמר (שופטים ו, ג) והיה אם זרע ישראל וגו' וכתיב (שופטים ו, ד) ויחנו עליהם וגו' וכתיב (שופטים ו, ו) וידל ישראל מאד מפני מדין

R. Abbahu said: There are three [evils] before which the Curtain<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' The Curtain of Heaven. [Hiding. so to speak, human failings from the Divine gaze.] ');">¹⁹</span> is not closed: overreaching, robbery and idolatry. Overreaching, for it is written, and in his hand was the overreaching. Robbery, because it is written, Robbery and spoil are heard in her; they are before me continually.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Jer. VI, 7. ');">²⁰</span>

(וא"ר) חלבו לעולם יהא אדם זהיר בכבוד אשתו שאין ברכה מצויה בתוך ביתו של אדם אלא בשביל אשתו שנאמר (בראשית יב, טז) ולאברם הטיב בעבורה והיינו דאמר להו רבא לבני מחוזא אוקירו לנשייכו כי היכי דתתעתרו

Idolatry, for it is written, A people that provoketh me to anger continually before my face; [that sacrificeth — sc. to idols — in gardens, and burneth incense upon altars of brick].<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Isa. LXV, 3. ');">²¹</span> Rab Judah said: One should always take heed that there be corn in his house; for strife is prevalent in a house only on account of corn [food], for it is written, He maketh peace in thy borders: he filleth thee with the finest of the wheat.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Ps. CXLVII, 14: the two halves of the verse are parallel to each other. ');">²²</span>

תנן התם חתכו חוליות ונתן חול בין חוליא לחוליא ר"א מטהר וחכמים מטמאין

Said R. papa, Hence the proverb: When the barley is quite gone from the pitcher, strife comes knocking at the door,<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Lit., 'house'. ');">²³</span> R. Hinena b. papa said: One should always take heed that there be corn in his house, because Israel were called poor only on account of [the lack of] corn, for it is said, And so it was when Israel had sown etc., and it is further written, And they [sc. the Midianites and the Amalekites] encamped against them, [and destroyed the increase of the earth], whilst this is followed by, And Israel was greatly impoverished because of the Midianites.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Jud. VI, 3, 4, 6. ');">²⁴</span> R. Helbo said: One must always observe the honour due to his wife, because blessings rest on a man's home only on account of his wife, for it is written, And he treated Abram well for her sake.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Gen. XII, 16. ');">²⁵</span> And thus did Raba say to the townspeople of Mahuza,<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' A large Jewish commercial town, situate on the Tigris. Raba had his academy there. ');">²⁶</span> Honour your wives, that ye may be enriched.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' The foregoing passages are Instructive on the Talmudic attitude to women. Though recognising the evil influence a bad woman can wield upon her husband, as evidenced by Ahab and Jezebel, these sayings breathe a spirit of tenderness and honour. As she is highly sensitive, the greatest care must be taken not to wound her feelings, and a husband must adapt himself to his wife; whilst it is emphatically asserted that prosperity in the home, as well as the blessings of home life, are to a great extent dependent upon her. ');">²⁷</span> We learnt elsewhere: If he cut it into separate tiles, placing sand between each tile: R. Eliezer declared it clean, and the Sages declared it unclean;